we really have so much to talk about – let’s dive right in.
foremost, digging out bathing suits (and other short, exposing, fun! pieces) for vacation when you’re: 1) a vampire and have forsaken fake tanner (well really, it forsook me) and 2) have outwardly taken on the form of a downhill skier because your thighs are so theeeeck you’re one protein bar away from slicking up and flexing in a string bikini with crunchy curls — is not a good time.
oh boy, what a treat. i ordered 17 things – no joke, no #fakenews here (see yesterday’s post). and i’m keeping one seventeenth of my order – a high-neck zip up black one-piece bathing suit that i swear to god is the same as the bodyglove one i wore when i was 13 and had huge boobs and thought what a great way to hide them – here beneath this zipper that would roll them out like a red carpet at the slightest tug. i honestly am just going to move to texas and follow warren jeffs – there’s none of this ‘resort wear’ shit to contend with when you’re a sister-wife.
let’s throw it back for a second, if you don’t mind. if you follow my lurching instagram stories (lurching like the way a chicken pecks – violently, then languid, then peck!), you know i was in aspen when autumn struck and i heralded the season appropriately in a number of different manners:
we donated 438 years worth of threadbare bath towels to the animal shelter and reinvented ourselves with new pendleton towels for the house. (i have to get pink/red because my hair is pink/red and between you and me, that’s hair dye)
we marveled over the yellow and red and orange colored leaves – tad tried to prepare me for the grand leaf extravanganza prior to our trip, and i assumed he was exaggerating until i laid eyes on the jigsaw-puzzle-worthy mountains swathed in bob ross rusts and golden marigolds. it was outstanding. i’ve never.
so, that was lovely.
in fashion that does work news, these emerald bars were a lovely gift and perfect to wear in my third holes. i needed something i could sleep in – because if i had to take them out everyday surely i’d lose them, and these were perfect. emerald is my birthstone.
well there you have it. it’s thursday. the sun is shining and rowdy is having a puppuccino. i just ordered another round of bad clothing choices from free people (is that me now, am i carefree with wide legs and gauzy embroidered tops?), and i’m off to the world headquarters to shoot some promos with anna and jessica. we’ve got a very, very impressive sale coming next week, and lots of new arrivals on the site – a lot of very good people are working on it, and i believe it’s going to be fantastic (who am i?).
harumph. have a good day.